Pati, Patni aur Groceries
Talking about groceries during Pujo itself shows how detached I am from all festivities in this region. But I shall crib no more, lest you stop paying visits to my virtual space. So then, groceries. Lets talk about how grocery shopping can completely ruin a perfectly happy evening. We know that its an inevitable part of every normal married life. Just like making breakfast, polishing one’s shoes and paying bills are. But why does it disturb (some) men SO much? I mean, don’t these help us get by through the week? So why does my husband behave like he has been asked to clean poop? I ain’t kidding. His face really distorts and I see anxiety lines and and expressions one witnesses during extremely stressful situations, at the mention of ‘weekly groceries’.
Some conversation samples:
Him: Shall we do it the day after tomorrow?
Me: No eggs, no bread, no veggies.
Him: Fish?
Me: Nope.
Him: fine. today then. *making goo face*
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Him: You go to the veggie section, i’ll go to the meat section. We’ll be done in 15 minutes flat.
Me: Is this some sort of a race? I’d like to check out some stuff.
Him: uff. Fine.
Me: Ufffffffffffffffffffff. Theek ache. Ato ghyan ghyan korte hobe na (why u getting irked?)
Him: Aami ghyan ghyan korchi na (I am not)
me: You get mishmish. I am going home.
Him: Oho. Chill na.
Mishmash: I want tooooooooooooooooooy. waaaaan!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Him: I thought we got 5 kilos of rice just a few weeks back? Need more already?
Me: I don’t have rice, Meeshu has half a bowl every day, we don’t exactly have a lot of guests home. You do the math.
Him: Fine. You don’t have to blame me for everything.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Him: Are you sure we need baked beans? I thought I saw a tin the other day.
Me: *Putting it back and heading straight to the cash counter*
Him: What the hell happened?
Me: Nothing. we are done.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Me: Ran out of onions
Him: mid week shopping sucks . arrrrrgh!
me: I’ll get them tomorrow. Don’t start now.
Him: Fine.
*after sometime*
Him: do you need only onions?
Me: you are going?
Him: might as well.
me: sweet. Have cha and go.
Him: Nope will come back and have. Have run out of cigarettes.
me: Aha.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Him: You know babe, u must learn driving.
Me: Oh yeah? Just so this one thing that u help me with, will also be done by me?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Some of his expressions:
Outside supermarket: *Feeling Zen about life*
Inside supermarket: *Life is a bitch*
Inside Supermarket mid way: *I wish I was a bachelor again*
Inside supermarket when wife is at the plastic dabba section* : *Goo face*
Cash counter: *Acute Trauma*
Outside with the shopping cart: *ready to cry*
While dumping groceries in the boot: * dead beat*
In the elevator: *I need a chilled beer*
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Him: I’ll help u with the groceries ok?
*disappears*
*reappears again checking his Blackberry*.
*Disappears*
*reappears again after groceries are stocked up*
Hey, want a glass o wine?
And mmmm what’s for dinner?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The one time I let him go shop alone, he came back with shocking pink, Raspberry flavored garbage bags. Apparently the garbage won’t stink even if i don’t throw it away for a week!!! And yes, chucking garbage falls under his to-do list.
(You know why this upsets me so much? Because exactly 6 years back, grocery shopping was the most romantic thing to do, together. Look how perspectives change).
Comments
Though AJ does agree on weekends once in a while, on weekdays if I mention grocery he looks like I asked him to get me "sanjeevani mountain." So to cut out the unpleasantness/arguements I just do it myself. Now the problem is since we use the same car he cribs about being made to wait while I pick up the stuff :(
Ughhhhhh....The most irritating of all questions is "How did this get over?" It is not like we got a krishna promise (like Draupadi) that our groceries would never get over :)....
I can so relate to this post, esp the moods you describe!
Hope my wife does not see this comment, nothing srs will happen, may be she will just make this mid week shopping a regular strict routine :)
I love these posts... makes my resolve stronger... I shall remain happy for some more time :D
Keep writing mate...
@pleasantone: am glad i made u laaagh :).
@Mustaf: Miyaan, you are treading on unsafe grounds. pray, what do ya mean by ' i don't understand why ladies..." Why can't men make lists? I'd like to know if this is part of any Holy scriptures or is this a govt policy? I tell my husband too, who cribs quite like you at times that, if u think u can do it better, whoever the hell stopped you?? he retreats at that. Your comment can get feminists to take out morchas on the streets and threaten to imprison you :D :D :D. so mustaf bhai, be careful. mmmm can I have your wife's email id?
@As the meanders: Good to see u here. been seeing you meandering about the blogsphere. :). Funny this was and extremely upsetting too. How simple pleasure in life at one point in time become nightmarish in marriages. yep, you are better off happy :)
btw, i hate grocery shopping too :S
im gonna make my hubby do all that!
This is brilliant :)
@IHM: :D thanks. If u know how to cope, you might wanna share a few tips to make husbands leap with excitement at the mention of groceries!
And i know had i posted the same comment on some other blog, i would have been already hurled grenades!!!:):)
BTW, you picked that Miannn from HYD correct :P?
Happy puja :)
In our case, it inevitably happens with the ice creams (my wife is on a 'supposed' diet and I am supposed to be her Guardian Angel to ensure she can resist temptation). It's a Catch22 situation. I get emotionally blackmailed if I stop her from eating Ben & Jerry's and I get yelled at if I let her indulge.
Let me see if I can come up with the 'guy's perspective on grocery shopping'.
For me, grocery shopping expeditions make up some of my strongest childhood memories. It was family bonding time.
But after reading your piece, I wonder what baba really thought!
@indy: so tell us, you much more experienced...does this only get worse?? :(
@Madmax: happy you stopped by! ben and Jerry's situations arise rather often in my household too...:D . thanks for stopping by :). can't wait for the guy perspective! bring it on!
@IK: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why am I not surprised :). Raj spends and awful amount of time in front of the wine section..i should have mentioned that here!
@M4: were'nt u in the US then? Am sure it was fun. Bajaar is always fun! I just don't see why my better half gets put off by it!!
Who knew the grocery war of the sexes would be such fun to read! But yeah, it's the same for me and mine too. We're fine all the while in the mall...we enter the supermarket and the mysterious back pains begin...the sudden fierce sleepiness...the memory of 100 things to be done elsewhere....I think most men share the state you mentioned whilst in the supermarket... life is, but a beach.
However your last statement left me a bit worried. We are in you "6years earlier" phase now and i wish i do not face these conversations later.
Off i run to the supermarket. I need to grow the interest before it get late thanks to my lazy sleepy mind!
Your writing is hilarious !
Well, my hubby would rather get a poke in his eye with a needle than do grocery. Thus the whole onus of having eggs/bread/milk at home is on me !
I don't even want to get started .. Aparna.. Ki bolbo ? My blood is boiling...
Can I confess? I hate grocery shopping and yes! I am a woman. So only way to escape is make a crisp list and finish off fast. Husband too helps. We rarely do grocery together. It is either him or I who pick things. Most easy things like Milk/egg are picked by him but you know the ingredients and stuff you need for special cooking..that I do. Still I hate it. In US, you have no other way so I do it. :D :D
@amit: hi there, thanks fortheuy dropping in :). That you say, you don;t wish something like this doesn;t happen to you itself tells it wont. :). Keep us posted what happens 6 years down the line!
@rupa: oho, raag kore kichu hobe na. like i said..we need to strategise :)
@phish phish: how do u manage? :D
@Solilo: Hi solilo, so good to see u here :). Well, its good that both hate it. and the fact that husband helps, means much too! The issue is when the couples hold opposite opinions :, which is usually the case. You are just lucky and hence, happy :D
My Hubs is just the same...the same questions and the same looks...