The encounter
With great enthusiasm he opened his lunch box, to be invited by a very fishy smell, which, to him, was the most invigorating aroma coming out of a lunch box. His eyebrows went up as he inhaled a deep breath, and he held it there, like he was in a sort of trance. Never mind how queasy his Marwari friend Rajesh felt, every day, sitting beside him at lunch table. Well, he was welcome to sit on another one, if he wished. Why should he care. And for all he cared, he knew all the tables had people busy taking the ‘kaanta’ out of their fish. He felt a tad bad for Rajesh, but continued to mix the bhaat and maach with confident, expert strokes. Having studied in America, he had lost touch with picking bones from Ilish. Too bad one didn’t get Ilish fillets in Kolkata. Its by far the toughest fish to pick bones from, he had declared. So, his mother, in a very bong mom like manner, had carefully picked the tiny little rascals and packed his lunch with macher jhol and bhaat, topped with the boneless Ilish.
Arnab didn’t like being disturbed during lunch, especially if the lunch in question was Ilish maacher jhol-Bhaat. So he usually kept his phone on silent mode or simply switched it off for half an hour. before he could do that, it rang.
The Gods are against me today. First my crashed laptop and now this. Who the fish is calling…Hello?
Did I get you at the wrong time? You sound very annoyed, boomed a mature, strong, lady-like voice on the other side of the phone.
Well, what do you expect? I was having Ilish and Bhaat. Its blasphemous to disturb anyone around this time. Who are you by the way? Ritu?
Its funny how we spent an entire day together, and never exchanged our names.
Its impossible that I spend a day with you and not know you. Where did we meet?
Falaknama express. 16 A, 17 A. AC 2 Tier. You gave me your number, just thought I should call. I thought you might need a shoulder to cry on, after KKR got rogered yesterday by Mumbai Indians. *Loud guffaw*
Oh the miss uppity-up bong basher. And how come you called?
What’s up for the evening? Wanna catch up for coffee?
Whoa! That’s fast, are you from Bangalore? Where do you wanna meet? CCD?
Nah. lets meet at the coffee house.
Eew. Pseudo intellectuals and dadus go there.
I am hanging up.
OK OK. Women! 5.30 pm, then.
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I never knew men can be on time too.
Good to see you. I never thought you’d call. But first lets exchange names. I am Arnab.
The sea, eh? Isn’t that what your name means? I called because I was getting bored with all the relatives around. Too many.
You haven’t told me your name, yet. And didn’t you mention you were here to meet your relatives. So why run away now? And you seem to know quite a bit of Bengali. Name please.
Too many relatives. why do you want to know my name? You can’t wait to classify. Isn’t that why?
Its feels wee strange dating some nameless babe over coffee
Date? Presumptuous, aren’t you. Patrali. No more questions around it.
*whistles*. Bong babe. Bong basher.
Don’t assume, Bong smarty pants.
The name can’t get any bong-er. Why do you hate us?
I ain’t one of you. And why is it so important to pick the non bongs from the bongs. Everywhere you go, you start hunting for your brothers.
So what are you? If Patrali isn’t Bong, I’ll take you to Tangra for Chinese.
Can I be classified as human? Will that satisfy your pursuit?
Patrali!! Should i call you Pat or Potrali?
Oh shut up! I am Patrali Das.
There! I knew it. I knew it.
Wait you, fish-head. My family hails from Orissa. We speak oriya at home and listen to Rabindra sangeet. By stroke of some misfortune, dad’s family is settled in Kolkata, hence all the bong knowledge. I live in Hyderabad and can’t live without idly-Sambar, as much as i can’t do without Puchkas and Rolls. Aar kichu jaanaar ichche? And we are going to Jimmy’s Kitchen tomorrow.
ooooodey!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should have known. Damn. Damn.
Hold it. The last time someone referred to us by that slang, wasn’t spared.
Don’t take offence ma’am. What do you think Bong is?. That’s slang too.
Stop calling me an oode, and I’ll stop too.
Deal.
I cook awesome Bengali food, you know, Arnab.
Its not surprising Pat. Half the Oriyas were cooks in big Bengali mansions. How come you don’t know?
@#%%$^%^^&^&^&!!! How impudent!
Are Na na, Pat…I didn’t mean that..
You meant just that. This is precisely the reason I can’t stand Bongs……
(And the fight continues)
Comments
Those who took boiled egg and 'shondesh' and buttered bread (with sugar)for lunch as kids, most definitely take ilish mach and rice for lunch when they grow up! And both boiled eggs and ilish mach give out that typical Bong-lunchbox-smell at noon.
Your next attack should be on 'bhaat-ghum'...am sure you know what that means!
The only thing I hate seeing is bong men carrying mach to office :(
About that oodeys being cooks for bong :-d..thats true is nothing else :))
U do know about this "Oodey Medo Gadha" concept right? Meaning all three same :-p. Apparently medo stands for biharis...but that doesn't really stop me from referring to my marwari husband each time.
@scribbler: ou bring back memories, girl. Bhat- ghum is a matinee show that runs every sunday at our place. It sure deserves a menton in my bong bash series of golpo. thats for the idea.
@jayeeta majumdar singhee: If i was in Hyderabad, I'd have come to uma Nagar to personally leave a bunch of expletives, for the odey-medo-gadha insult. In oriya there is a saying- Bongali-kangali, Oriya-badhiya! (kangali meaning- kangal) :p I need to touch base with Sanjay for some conspiracy planning. :D
Glad you liked, my loyal critics!
Y do all events related to bongs have to be so ubiquitiously conencted to his fish eating traits or some of the stereo type babumoshai-now-turned-dada syndrome? i am sure there could be more connectivities that could be equally hilarious.
lets have some thing on bongs and their "dhootis" which they love to wear for social ocassions and then be in utter tension if they would return being still wrapped in them...
but i leave it to the writer to startegize... and anyway,the people of the region she hails from are famous for their eternal strategizing.... as they say in her mother toungue.... " moribo tho moribo, kousol-o koree moribo"..
jai hao.......... ooops.. joyo jogannotho...
@IK: your oriya quoting prowess is very impressive, and equally hilarious. Yes, feedback taken, and more bong idiosyncracies will be attacked, soonish!
@bookworm: Am glad i am spreading cheer amongst bongs, ironical though it may sound, with all my bongbashing.
more on the half bong vs full bong coming up ??
When Ilish mach is around, nothing else matters, once one of my private teacher suggested not to eat Ilish mach because it is very rich and may not be suitable for our health, so he never has it!! And i was like what the heck!! I srsly had doubt about his intelligence and whether i shd let that guy to teach me anything more!! I am hooked to it & will follow you regularly, very very funny..ekdum gola