Woh kagaz ki kashti, woh barish ka paani...

Majidi's Song of Sparrows brought me back to this space. I needed to be moved in a deep way to write. 

The film like Majidi's other's evokes a sense of void. A void in our lives and the way you (we) are living it. Devoid of little nothings that actually make a life worth living. I look at my 5 year old and feel  guilty for giving her a life that's so forgetful - or so I think. I'm sure she'll have her memories. But not as good as mine. And I feel almost remorseful about living in a city like Singapore.  Nothing against the city- but you know, the experiences she is having vis-a-vis what I had are so disconnected. I know its unfair to compare her childhood with mine - we are a generation apart. Still, how redundant can climbing Guava trees and chasing butterflies get? 

Part of the problem lies in the parenting styles. My mother never bothered with what I was up to when I stepped out. It was not a matter of trust- it was just plain aloofness. What can a kid do outdoors? Play? pretend-destroy plants? Demolish a few sand castles? Catch worms? Pick up a fight with another kid? Snakes were regular visitors in our gardens- but she knew they don't just come to get you, a la Nagina. I spotted ALL the snakes in our garden and alerted my parents - including a Cobra. I was not allowed in the garden for 2 days. Once the fear subsided, ma let us out again. 

My point is- to get Mishmash to play- I have to call 10 mums, arrange for a 'play-date', think about her picnics, fix timings to pick up and drop. I don't understand this style. I dislike it to the extent that I don't call and do these things as much as Mishmash would like it. I let Mishmash just play with whoever she finds in the play area. I'd like her to have her own experiences than me play-writing them for her. Let her encounter her demons, fight them herself. This over-parenting style is not my style at all. But i'm getting more and more coerced into following it, only to make her happy. 

Saddens me to see her with I-pads and watching her play in 'protected play areas', with me watching over her all the time. Not done. I'd much rather have her closer to nature with a set of wild kids going on their own adventures. 

 I think the only way I can do that is by introducing my native place to her- my village Kanachchanda.

Magar mujhko lauta do bachpan ka sawan...